PROBLEM:
I have a teenager daughter who is in a
steady dating relationship. I have become aware of some of physical intimacy
which goes beyond and what I believe to be appropriate. I am very concerned and
have discussed it with both my child and her boyfriend, but I believe they are
more sorry they got caught than sorry for going too far. Do you have any advice
about how to help my teenager?
–Worried Mom
ADVICE:
My
advice to you is that even though your daughter and her boyfriend seem to not
understand your whole sentiments, never give up in explaining it to them. It
takes time especially for young couples to understand the right things to do
when it comes to relationship. As a parent, you must also try to understand
that they are still young and somewhat immature in knowing the right things to
do. Your daughter and her boyfriend are still in the point of being madly in
love with each other to the point that an outside opinion will have little
importance in their relationship. It is the constant reminder, persistence, and
the justification of your thoughts that will lead them to the bigger picture.
Also, give your daughter a sense of assurance that you’re always there for her,
ready to listen to whatever problem she has. Your daughter might have that
thinking that you will judge or get mad at her for doing some mistakes, but as
a parent you must first gain your daughter’s trust and take away all her fears.
Getting mad or impatient will shut the door to communication between the two if
you; communication which you will need to ensure she remains safe and educated.
Once your daughter becomes open to you, then advices about relationship might
get to her easily. It may also help if you also tell your daughter about some
of your own experiences. You don’t have to go into deep details, but confiding
in her about the mistakes you made is a good way to get her to open up about
her own experiences. This can build an immense amount of trust around this
topic and help your daughter to feel more comfortable being honest with you
about it and consequently may have the heart to understand what you are telling
her from the start. Also, if you want to keep the lines of communication open,
its important not to go ballistic or over react. Yelling and screaming will
push your daughter away and will eventually lessen the influence you have in
her life. Take a while to calm down and to pray before acting. There might also
be some strategies like slowly limiting your daughter’s activities that will
also limit the opportunity to do the act, but remember not too much to the
point of holding her freedom. Your still a parent here, you still have control.
You might also want to consider embracing the boyfriend of your daughter. This
might be a way to know him better and make him open up to you also. Consider
the boyfriend as a family and know him more. It is in this way that your
daughter can see that he can either fit or not in her life. This can also be of
help in limiting the activity since you are changing some of their old dates
into family dates and incorporating into them the other ideas of dating.
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