ADVICE FOR MOMS ON HOW TO HANDLE A TEENAGER CAUGHT HAVING SEX WITH HER BOYFRIEND

PROBLEM:

I have a teenager daughter who is in a steady dating relationship. I have become aware of some of physical intimacy which goes beyond and what I believe to be appropriate. I am very concerned and have discussed it with both my child and her boyfriend, but I believe they are more sorry they got caught than sorry for going too far. Do you have any advice about how to help my teenager? 

–Worried Mom

ADVICE:

My advice to you is that even though your daughter and her boyfriend seem to not understand your whole sentiments, never give up in explaining it to them. It takes time especially for young couples to understand the right things to do when it comes to relationship. As a parent, you must also try to understand that they are still young and somewhat immature in knowing the right things to do. Your daughter and her boyfriend are still in the point of being madly in love with each other to the point that an outside opinion will have little importance in their relationship. It is the constant reminder, persistence, and the justification of your thoughts that will lead them to the bigger picture. Also, give your daughter a sense of assurance that you’re always there for her, ready to listen to whatever problem she has. Your daughter might have that thinking that you will judge or get mad at her for doing some mistakes, but as a parent you must first gain your daughter’s trust and take away all her fears. Getting mad or impatient will shut the door to communication between the two if you; communication which you will need to ensure she remains safe and educated. Once your daughter becomes open to you, then advices about relationship might get to her easily. It may also help if you also tell your daughter about some of your own experiences. You don’t have to go into deep details, but confiding in her about the mistakes you made is a good way to get her to open up about her own experiences. This can build an immense amount of trust around this topic and help your daughter to feel more comfortable being honest with you about it and consequently may have the heart to understand what you are telling her from the start. Also, if you want to keep the lines of communication open, its important not to go ballistic or over react. Yelling and screaming will push your daughter away and will eventually lessen the influence you have in her life. Take a while to calm down and to pray before acting. There might also be some strategies like slowly limiting your daughter’s activities that will also limit the opportunity to do the act, but remember not too much to the point of holding her freedom. Your still a parent here, you still have control. You might also want to consider embracing the boyfriend of your daughter. This might be a way to know him better and make him open up to you also. Consider the boyfriend as a family and know him more. It is in this way that your daughter can see that he can either fit or not in her life. This can also be of help in limiting the activity since you are changing some of their old dates into family dates and incorporating into them the other ideas of dating.

ROAD TO FITNESS DAY 1

Hi guys! Its Kwien! I'm so overwhelmed by the views of my passages here, and I just wanted to say thank you for even bothering reading my pieces. I know that I'm not that talented as other writers can be but seeing your view made me so inspired and loved. I hope you also leave comments for me to know which area to improve in writing, or if you're particularly interested in some topics I am so willing to make time and write my thoughts about it.

Enough with the long appreciation post. As of this moment, I am finally free! I just finished my semester and I have 2 academic-free months. I have a lot of catching up to do especially in watching my favorite korean and american variety shows, dramas, and movies. I've been in a different dimension since the start of the year and all I can say is I am so happy and proud that I surpass all those exams and studying and now am back to the real world.

Since I started studying in college, I started to notice my sudden gain of weight. Before entering the university I was around 55-65 kg, but now I'm 78-80 kg and its depressing. So, walking towards my last year as a student (hopefully!) I hope to graduate with latin honors and of course lose some weight. I actually started my diet last March 22, but honestly I've been slacking off for some time due to the heavy demands of my school which requires me to eat a lot to gain some energy for studying. I know it sounds like an excuse but its absolutely true. When you're stressed, the tendency is to go extremes like under eat or over eat. Well, in my obvious case, I over eat.

When I started my diet last March, I started cutting off some calories by not eating rice at all. I also avoided drinking anything with flavor, just water. I also don't eat sweets nor junk foods. For your information, I have been in a "no-rice diet" some time in high school so its not new to me anymore. I know that the first few weeks will be extremely difficult but I gotta hold still and conquer my cravings. Then comes our long week break. I decided to do my internship since I have no plans to go out. It was then when I started my not so good diet again, which is the "water diet". I literally starved myself the whole week. It was so crazy cause I spent 12 hours in the hospital just drinking water whenever I'm hungry. When my hunger really gets into my head and I just can't take it, I always bring 2 boiled eggs and an apple with me. So for 7 days I consumed around 5 boiled eggs, 3 apples, and 3 bananas. I actually lose some weight, from 78 kg I am now 75 kg.

But after that week long vacation comes my hell week. I have no choice but to eat some food for my brain. I decided to eat but not over eat. So what I do, I bought healthy foods which costs me a lot. It really drains my allowance. The healthy food was either tuna+carrots+brown rice or chicken+brocolli or garden salad without dressing. I only ate once a day and supply myself with a lot of water. Just imagine my stomach rumbling the next day. But always remember, never to try what I do if you are a first timer. It will cause you some stomach disease like ulcer. It will get into your head in the form of confusion and long standing migraines. Yes, I have experienced all that from high school and you can say I'm crazy since I am not afraid of meeting those side effects of my dangerous diet. The point, don't follow me haha

Now, after that intense starving sessions I started to eat a lot because of my depression. I eat every other day that made me gain 1kg. After 2 weeks I started to notice changes and it kicked me again to have the drive to lose weight.

Now, I'm on my Day 1 and I'm planning on documenting everything I am doing to share with you guys my journey towards a good healthy body. I am currently 75kg. I hope to lose 10-15 kg to be normal.

Today is March 26, as always I only ate once. I ate around 8PM because I had to go to school for my final exams in the morning and had to travel back home around 3PM to 6PM. Anyway, what I did was I had dinner and exercise. I hope tomorrow will be a good one.

DINNER:
SCRAMBLED EGGS (2 eggs + Onion + Tomato)
Boiled Carrots
1/2 Cup Brown Rice
1/2 cup Ice cream (Sorry! I just had to my brains killing me)
1 slice pistacho cake (Another calories)
Fitnesse Cereals

WORKOUT (1 hour) - You can search this all in Youtube :)
-10 minute HIIT Workout of Emy Wong
-5 minute jog in place
-3 sets of slim arm exercise of Susana Yabar
-3 sets of thigh gap exercise of Susana Yabar
-Thigh Gap exercise by Rebecca Louise

Speaking in behalf of those who can't

Silently observing the world, I've come to realize that we can categorize people by their words. One would be those who can't live without expressing their thoughts; two, those who are always cautious of what to tell; and lastly those who has a lot to say but can't. Being in a world where you are always judged by everything, people tend to choose to live in silence than to share and explore the world with their wonderful thoughts.

If only people know how to accept each opinion fairly and wholeheartedly, I guess this world would be more beautiful. I feel hurt for those who can't express themselves because as much as it hurts to be judged for being honest, I know it hurts more to be judged when you didn't even say or did anything. Without even trying, with just being cautious and afraid of making a mistake, you are being scrutinize. We live in a world where we are given the privilege to be who we wanted to be. But due to competitions and emerging trends that forced us to keep up with, we cannot reveal the person we really wanted to be without being rejected by the society. It is the unending battle of having a name in this world, and we are more than that. Because of this social stigma, we are just hurting more people in the process. We eliminate freedom of expression. We kill the person we are deep inside.

Pain is inevitable for everyone, and I am a witness to it. But let me tell you this, it is not bad to stay in the dark. It is a choice to live behind something and pretend you're fine. The thing is you don't get to grasp life entirely with the kind of life you have. Life is not being cautious, but being able to discover things while embracing the dangers to it. I know its hard to feel confident about it, but how can you be so sure when you haven't experience the pain and joy that it brings with it. But don't worry, I wont hold it against you because as cliche as it may seem, we really have different point of views.

WHY DO I NEED TO SAY SORRY FOR BEING THE PERSON I WANT TO BE

We don't need to please other people. We really must not, but we don't practice it nor try to influence others to believe in it. We live in a world where other people is the standard reference. Their comments will interfere and influence our decisions. We're made with free will and had given freedom of speech. But I think people use this violently and irrationally to the point that it puts other people in a prison cell they never wanted to be in.

They get mad when you pretend to be the person you're not, but gets angrier when you try to be the person you really are. I just don't get it? So where do we stand? People set the extremes in our lives. It feels like life has become something to live in betweens. We can't get to choose to try the extremes because it would always seem too much for them. So how do we solve it?

We look at things in a different perspective. I think the best way to cut the roots of all this extreme judgement is by changing our point of views in life. Why can't we just live with a perspective that we created and own? Remove the part where we design our view with the standard, but just how we want it to be. If everyone does this, then there's room for being the person you wanted to be. There would be no judgement or questions on how and why you do things because each would embrace their self uniqueness. You don't follow a standard. neither to they. There is no point in comparing and making judgement, just pure appreciation.

I would like to live in a world where our capacity is not limited because we fear of being compared and judged. A world where our gifts and ideas are embraced. No man would ever criticize nor trash it, just mere acceptance to it. Endless possibilities and creations would be made, problems will be lesser, and life will be easier. Just like art, life must be appreciated no matter how abstract it is or how different it is because art is art, life is life.

Hope in the midst of a malignant depression

I'd diagnose myself with malignant depression. I've been really sensitive with everything. I'm actually very very sad that I have no one to talk to. I know that we should always feel that we hold our life but in my case, I can't. I won't. A lot of people would be disappointed in me if I would. Some might judge me, others would pity me. And the most important person in my life will be left alone... and I can't let that happen. My life is also his, and its okay because that's how much I love him.

To be diagnosed with depression, the symptoms must be present for at least two weeks. But no need for that, I've been depressed for almost 7 years. And a lot of circumstance made it really worst by the year. Its easy to pretend to be okay when your actually not. It would be great if you have an avenue to release some of that hidden pain but when you don't, it makes life a living hell. You have to live with a lot of expectations, be wary of all the people around you, and base your decisions to someone. We do have friends, but sometimes its hard to choose who to trust. It's not that you don't trust her enough but you're afraid that she would feel helpless that she can't save you from what you are feeling. You're just afraid because sharing is giving that piece of depression and load to think of. You are worried that she would also feel the pain and you don't that to happen. Its so sad that whenever you feel like releasing it just to yourself, but had no where private to go because everywhere had people in it, you would want to die just a second.

I hope my life is just because of school problems, or some petty friendship fights. But no, its not just that. The family that would help you and be there for you is just not a good support system. In fact, they created more mess in your life. When they are expected to provide you with everything, they just don't because they can't or don't. The man who should be understanding of his child was not that considerate and worst is a dictator. When he needed to provide financial stability and protection, he was always away which is understandable but is not acceptable when he can't share what he earn to sustain our needs. He was away to sustain, but is just so selfish and controlling. Let me just say it, some father just don't get the trend that everything changes and their time is different than what is in present. I'm so freaking tired of always justifying that the present is whats real. Its hard to live a life where you need to prove yourself to your parents just to provide the needs for yourself when you're still a student. Why do I need to have this kind of fate?

I may be depressed, but that didn't stop me from achieving a lot of things to make my life taste a little bit of happiness. I'm thankful for the few people who keeps me up and makes me feel love. For the ones who've been by my side listening without any question, I owe you a lot. I've learned that you can't live life without a reason. You don't just live to die. You live because of something. This keeps you going, it helps you stand up when you fall down. I have malignant depression which may progress further into cancer, a deadly disease. And only a hope that one day I'll find a cure to what I'm feeling keeps me going. I need to live, for the sake of others, and for me to taste a life without cuffs holding me back,